I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
