I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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