"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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