You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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