Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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