You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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