Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
