He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
