people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
