Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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