1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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