he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
