youre lurking in front of me
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
