He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
