fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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