and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
