I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
