You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
