I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he thought i was a dude.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize