im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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