Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
