i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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