Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
this will be a night to untag.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
