That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
