shes about as inviting as chlamydia
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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