I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
