Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
