If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
