did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
