I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So many bounce houses so little time
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
