i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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