the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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