im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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