What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Need sex. Gaining weight.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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