There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
