i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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