Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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