This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
