You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He has the fingertips of a God
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