he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize