am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
