The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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