so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
