theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
