i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
