Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
