Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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