We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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