im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
