I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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