we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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