Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
