I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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