i think i have herpe
just one?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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