By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
