somebody snuck up and got me drunk
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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