I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
