we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
