today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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