you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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