He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
