Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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