someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
