Fine. I'll sleep in my office
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
