just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
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