I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
