he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
where am i from again
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
