Just cropdusted the office
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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