if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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