We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
