Say something about gay babies.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
