I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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