i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just found a bag of teeth...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
